Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
