Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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