i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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