he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
