shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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