thus making me awesome and them whores
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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