i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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