i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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