he wants to bone in the snuggie
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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