I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
