i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
