dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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