Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
