you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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