My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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