I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
