Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
