did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
