He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
