she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
