that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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