She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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