Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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