its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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