She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
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