Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
