i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
