Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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