I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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