There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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