There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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