definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
