Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
