i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
