but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
