i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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