Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize