i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
