I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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