Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
