It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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