Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
there's paper in my vomit.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
