biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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