its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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