but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
