Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
