The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize