so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
