dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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