I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
