My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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