Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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