im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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