He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
