I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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