Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
