i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
