if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
you never un-have a 4some
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize