Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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