recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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