Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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