Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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