Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
