everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
