I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
