just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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