like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
