he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
