I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
