My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
