DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
