I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
