I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
