Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
