So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
