Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize