I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
